okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
