I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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