It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
