im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
