Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
