If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Small penises have feelings too.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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