apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
