i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
