Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
