I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
