I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
