is wine microwaveable?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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