If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Someone shattered a urinal.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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