the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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