Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
