I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
