he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
