my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
