her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Girls should come with a carfax report
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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