do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
