I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
