My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
