I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
