god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just tell him i said nine months
there was a trapeze. enough said
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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