i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
