When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
