Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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