you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
