I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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