no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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