Swine flu. Run for my life!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
