You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
