You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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