Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
