now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
