Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
