i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
