You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
