I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
