I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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