Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
