you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
