I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
