I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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