whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
