Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
