Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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