Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
