my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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