So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
babies were throwing up all over the place
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The ass gains better be worth it
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